My weekends where I don't have Eliza can be very lame. I try to fill them up as much as possible and keep myself busy. Other times in the past, I've spent them in a dark room watching reruns on Hulu and maybe going outside once? oh yeah, to go to church and then come right back inside.
But when Eliza is away, I don't stop being her mom. A part of my heart feels far away. I've found comfort in filling my prayers with specific desires I have for my girl and trying to explain my feelings to my Heavenly Father about this challenge.
I've been doing a little better with these weekends lately! I think I've found a good balance between barricading myself in the dark basement and frantically trying to fill every minute with busy tasks and frantic projects.
For example, I take naps on Sunday's and do some leisurely reading instead of attending two church services.
Also, I have been spending more time with family. I am so so so blessed to have my family with me, so patient and loving towards me.
I think I've mentioned before that my Oma (grandma, my mom's Mom), Rosalie, lives here now. She and I got some very fun bonding time this weekend.
Thursday we did a yummy home-cooked chicken dinner by Oma and movie night! I picked up the dvd of the newish movie, Valentine's Day, that I got from the library. It was cute in a cliche way.
A couple things that this movie stated about love were interesting to me.
One part had George Lopez's character carrying around a book of Rumi poetry. I hate when movies try to make their content deeper by having someone spout out stuff from some "life-changing" book. It feels like the screen play writer should just get an account on GoodReads or join a book club instead of trying to add references to it in a stupid way in their films.
So George Lopez's character says how Rumi's got it right about love (and the camera zooms to the book cover)-- and says something about how for love to be real, it has be messy and devastating and turn your world upside down.
I disagree. I think unhealthy relationships have that intense emotional upheaval to them, but healthy relationships can entail a gradual process of getting to know someone before you unleash all your emotional baggage and boundaries. I believe that love DOES involve some risk-taking and being willing to take a chance on someone by letting them truly and sincerely know you, even in a vulnerable way. However, it doesn't have to involve emotional vomiting.
The other thought about love that the film suggested was something that I liked and that I've heard at Al-Anon meetings that I've attended for work. It's the premise that truly loving someone involves loving the WHOLE person-- not just the parts that you like about them.
Friday night, I had gotten coupons for free Chik-fil-a from a co-worker, so I picked up dinner for Oma and myself! Waffle Fries- yummmmm! Later we went OUT to the movies and saw the movie "You Again." It was a funny comedy about facing the people who terrorized you in high school! Nice feel good ending too, so that's nice to have!
Charleston's such a beautiful area! I love the winding branches on trees that hang over the roads and the spanish moss that hangs down from those branches! The marshes are beautiful, especially below the sunny blue skies like we had yesterday!
This picture reminds me of a Regina Spektor song: Now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years
Waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears
But every time the tide come in to take me home
I get scared, and I’m sitting here alone
Dreaming of the dolphin song…
Maybe one day you will understand
I don’t want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand
Till that day just please don’t be so down
Don’t make frowns, you silly clown"
Some of my favorite quotes from it:
"There is a worldwide hunger among good women to know their identity, value, and importance. Studying and applying the history of Relief Society gives definition and expression to who we are as disciples and followers of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Our faithfulness and service are signs of our conversion and commitment to remember and follow Him." -Sister Julie B. Beck
"He (Christ) knows your hopes and sufferings. He hath bourne our griefs and carried our sorrows (Isaiah)... We demonstrate our love in Him by placing our faith in Him.... OUR BEST EFFORT IS ALL HE ASKS FROM US." -Sister Silvia H. Allred
"The Savior has asked us to do the things which He has done, to bear one another’s burdens, to comfort those who need comfort, to mourn with those who mourn, to feed the hungry, visit the sick, to succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down..."
I also really liked how she defined and described compassion as "to feel love and mercy towards others. Show kindness and sympathy." - Sister Barbara Thompson
"Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: Can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa—“No; we cannot.” -President Thomas S. Monson
Choppy quotes by Pres. Monson from my notes:
"True charity is love in action."
"To pity a man is human, to love is divine... that is... Accepting people for all that they are... Resisting to categorize others.... Recognizing that others are doing their best."
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