"I'm just really gonna focus on my career..."

It's been a whirlwind of a month for me and Eliza! Especially on the job front. I accepted a part time job working in a teen addiction recovery outpatient unit.

I trained and started on August 20th. I worked from 8:30am until 2pm at The Nurturing Center, then drove a half hour to the addiction recovery center and worked until 7 or 8pm. It was pretty crazy but kept things interesting! Actually, I don't know if I handled the stress very well, but I'm recovering now.

The hardest part, though, was that I only was getting to see Eliza for an hour or so in the evenings on Monday and Tuesday and had to rely on Steve and my mom to take care of Eliza while I worked in the evenings.

Eliza's also had a ton of trouble going to bed at my house, so most of the time I spent with her in the evenings involved (and still involve) me trying to beg/bargain/threaten/persuade her to stay in her bed and go to sleep! That was pretty painful.

Then, a week later, the executive director at The Nurturing Center told me that one of the case managers was taking a job elsewhere and asked if I was interested in doing the full-time job.

At first I said no because I felt like I needed to follow through with the new job I had just accepted and worked at for one week. However, I prayed/fasted/fretted and decided that although I would make less money over-all, having a schedule that involved a 8-4 sort of schedule would be the best for Eliza and myself, and I needed to do what was best for me and my family.

So as of tomorrow, I'll transition from doing invidividual and art group therapy with parents and play therapy with pre-schoolers to being a "Family Service Coordinator" for the parents at The Nurturing Center. I know I'll miss some aspects of doing therapy, especially working with the kids. But I'll get to do lots of parenting groups, one or two every day. I'll be coordinating lots of resources and referrals in the community, setting goals with the parents, and working with Department of Social Services with the parents who have open neglect and/or abuse cases. It should be a pretty hefty caseload and a lot of responsibility, so I hope I can keep up!!! Say a prayer for me.

I'm looking forward to having a "normal" schedule, though! I just realized that I have NEVER had a schedule where I worked full-time 8-4. I was always doing school or working a part-time, strange hours sort of thing. Should be interesting! or normal...? We'll see.

(Eliza in her zebra dress that Oma got for her. Zebra's are still her favorite animal, and she would wear this dress EVERY day if I let her!)

Eliza started back at pre-school on August 16th at a wonderful little Montessori school in Columbia (The same one she went to in May). She goes from about 8:30 until 2:30 Mon- Thurs and until noon on Friday's.

I think she's doing pretty well, but it's hard to know because when we ask her how school went or what she did at school that day, she almost always answers, "I don't want to talk about it." or "Nothing." I thought that response wouldn't come until the adolescent, "I'm too cool for my parents," phase. Oh well.

In other news, my divorce is STILL not finalized! Not because there's been any drama-- on the contrary, nothing at all has happened. Nothing. We're just sitting around waiting for our request for a court date to make it to the top of the stack in the county court house. We keep saying, maybe this week! and here we are two months later... still waiting!

So for now, "I'm just really gonna focus on my career!" (reference, How I Met Your Mother)

With this ring...

So I found this ring one day like last year sometime in our house. I thought that it belonged to Abby, so I put it in her room. A few weeks later, it had found its way back into my jewelry box. I took it to Abby and asked her if it was hers because I knew it wasn't mine, and she told me that it was definitely not hers, nor was it my mom's.

I told that wonderful story to point out just how randomly and unintentionally I became the owner of this ring. It's lovely, though, and pearls are my birthstones!

I've never worn a lot of jewelry and when I do it's usually just a bracelet or earrings. I've only recently felt daring enough to start wearing necklaces.

The one ring I used to wear has been absent for almost a year now. But this simple little ring caught my eye the other day for some reason, and I decided to wear it on my right hand. I was feeling sort of down and just... very single? I don't like to preoccupy my brain with the blatant awareness of my singledom because, ya know, there's a lot cooler and more interesting (and necessary!) matters to occupy my mind!

Also, my friend shared this talk by Pres. Hinckley with me that had this gem in it:

"To you single women who wish to be married ... Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably. …"

So this is not me saying that I want to be married or even dating or whatever right now! However! I would LOVE to be free from being obsessed with my marital (or lack thereof) status. I think a divorced status can be the elephant in a room full of young single adults, which is really not a big deal. However, I don't want to define myself by my singledom, even if others do!

So back to the ring. I was feeling down, and a definitive goal that I have for myself is that I celebrate my worth as an individual. I have for much of my life, attempted to live in a way that pleases those around me to the extent that I have put my identity in the back seat. No more!

Bottom Line:
When I put on my ring or glance at it during the day, I remember:

I don't have to have someone telling me that they love me
to know that I am lovable.