Dog Children: Best Park Game EVER!

Eliza & Reuben Playing at the Park!

Cousins & Family @ the Beach!

Here are just a couple of my favorite pictures from the beach vacation we took a couple weeks ago. They are some scenes that I hope to repeat this week as Eliza and I join the DC crowd for the next week!!!! Yay for cousin time!

Perhaps my favorite family picture ever:

This is the end. This is the calm.

I hopped on my bike yesterday and went for a really nice ride. The thermometer said it was 83 degrees outside, but the sun was hiding behind the clouds. There was a really nice breeze.

My ride was revitalizing and empowering. There's something wonderful about making my body push itself to it's limits-- feeling my heart pounding in my chest, my lungs reaching for air, and my muscles burning. I felt strong.

I like to have destinations for my bike rides, though, and this bike ride will probably have the most significant destination of all the others! I biked over to Main Street in Lexington, across from the county courthouse- my lawyer's office.

They had the papers waiting for me at the bottom floor office. I initialed 8 pages and signed the last. My heart was still beating hard from my pedaling, and I could hear my blood beating through my ears as I flipped from one page to the next. My initials, AMM, above the initials that were already there, SAM.

And it was done.

I picked up my bike helmet and left. I biked some more around Lexington without much thought put into where I was headed. I vaguely thought about how many of those roads were the same ones I biked on 10 years ago... 10 years ago when everything was so much less complicated. I'd never been on a date before, never had a boyfriend, never shared a kiss... Things were so much less complicated then, although, there is great irony in that statement because I would NEVER want to repeat being 14 years old.

Things were simpler but far more confusing than now.

I may now feel weighted down by more baggage at the age of 24- the pain of heart breaks, the stress of poverty, the loneliness of leaving home and trying to find independence, depression-- BUT the difference is... I am much less CONFUSED and LOST.

Somehow, through this divorce, I have found myself again. I don't think that's what usually happens to people when they get divorce. But for the first time in YEARS, I don't feel lost.

I have peace. I have a home. I have the atonement working in my life. I have hope and faith.

I'm working on having patience!

and I have Eliza...

... and I still have a friend in Steve. It's not the relationship we had hoped to have with each other, but we've made a decision. No longer husband and wife- now we'll have new titles. Exes, Co-parents, divorcees. To those titles we've signed our names.

But the title of friend is what I value most.

And I think I'll take another bike ride.

Your jibberish is sweet, honey

A few things that have made me happy lately are...

• Seeing Eliza's pony tail swing back and forth as she chased after Grandpa on a walk, playing tag.
• Spotting Eliza and her Oma jogging in place while playing a Wii game together in the living room -- Hilarious!
• Writing in my journal consistently again!
• Watching the second season of Pushing Daisies on DVD, especially since our satellite is disconnected and Pushing Daisies is BRILLIANT. "Our love is heartier like two blind fish swimming in a volcano at the bottom of the ocean."
• Listening to general conference talks on my IPOD during my commute!
• Baking desserts!
  
• Lying in Eliza's bed with her while reading her bedtime stories about getting to be a flower girl and getting Eliza's arm around my neck hugs!
• Cuddling with Finnegan while I work on my laptop!
• Eating extra sharp cheddar cheese with green apple slices. Yum!
• Hearing Reuben say my NAME!!! and having him reach out for me to hold him! and watching him and Eliza playing and cracking up over the weekend!
• Feeling the ocean waves crash and splash on me while Eliza squealed with exuberant glee in my arms.
  
• Seeing family that I've missed SO much at NC outer banks over the weekend! (pics to come)

Musings on MOM

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. I was over-joyed when I found out that I was pregnant with Eliza. It felt like a gazillion Christmas mornings combined when I finally got to hold Eliza in my arms when she was my newborn babe. I have fallen madly in love with this little girl, Eliza Mae.

~~~

I'm not going to lie and say that I've loved every minute of being a mom- cuz seriously guys, if you just factor in the amount of POOP and other bodily fluids that you have to deal with as a mother and nothing else, you know there are moments that aren't pleasurable. There are also tears and frustration, stress and bewilderment.

BUT ... she's worth it!

I love my momma! She's my best friend and confidant! I value her wisdom, virtue, kindness, patience, and guidance-- I could go on and on. She's a beautiful woman who has faced many a challenge and hardship and persevered with such admirable strength and faith. My hero.

~~~

This mother's day was hard for me. Not just because Eliza refused to take a nap and had a tantrum during most of dinner. But it was hard. My mom and other dear friends and family helped me pull through it, though.

I want to be better at seeing all of the good things in my life, instead of the sad or bad ones that seem to overshadow me sometimes. I hope that the tone of this blog is a reflection of that effort!
~~~

My mom and I went to a store the Saturday before Mother's day. As I scoped out the little girls' dress section, Mom took Eliza to another part of the store and let her pick out a present for me! Hehe. Thanks, Mom!

Mom said that Eliza kept saying that she wanted to get me something funny, that would make me laugh. She came up with several colorful necklaces, a "silly" shirt, and a Purple (of course) gift bag that reads, "You look funny when you dance." LOVED IT!

I know this is tardy, but THANK YOU to all the moms out there and all the mother figures who have helped nurture and guide me! ESPECIALLY my mom, my Oma, my Grandma Ruth, my aunts- Aunt Joan, Aunt Barbara, and Aunt Mer, and many other strong women who have helped me in ways they may never know!

Okay, I'm done with the sappy sentiments! Sorry if this post was sort of a stream of consciousness!